martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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