did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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