You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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