i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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