How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
