I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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