I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Terrible idea I love it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
