Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
