there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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