New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
