proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
