party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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