it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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