$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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