apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
