I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
