Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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