I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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