I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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