i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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