If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
