For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
