Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
