You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
