forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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