I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just gargled with NyQuil
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
