So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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