something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
