girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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