just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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