"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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