This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
try to milk me bitch
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