loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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