Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

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  (443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it http://tfl.nu/sa3y
  Replies (52) Good night (1241) Bad night (6061)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.

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  (917): and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter. http://tfl.nu/zjf3
  Replies (25) Good night (943) Bad night (3815) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1370) Bad night (4035) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  mine is 'the'.

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  (202): so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'. (703): mine is 'the'. http://tfl.nu/v1g1
  Replies (32) Good night (8925) Bad night (689)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

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  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4446) Bad night (1235)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.

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  (207): I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life. http://tfl.nu/g4gg
  Replies (35) Good night (2565) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

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  (425): oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog http://tfl.nu/rz7h
  Replies (30) Good night (6169) Bad night (1290)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

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  (541): I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad? http://tfl.nu/iz9x
  Replies (11) Good night (3733) Bad night (1487)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (1185) Bad night (2501) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex

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  (985): Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex http://tfl.nu/n4wf
  Replies (4) Good night (1427) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

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  (402): Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina http://tfl.nu/fhci
  Replies (11) Good night (2741) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

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  (618): I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas. http://tfl.nu/yx8c
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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  (610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1
  Replies (20) Good night (3486) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.

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  (316): I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction. http://tfl.nu/n8tp
  Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.

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  (714): Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kmrp
  Replies (20) Good night (505) Bad night (2856) Order T-Shirt

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