Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.