Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
