It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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