From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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