i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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