So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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