Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
