I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize