Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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