when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
