In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
