I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I will pee on everything he values.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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