I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize