we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
