I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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