The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize