I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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